You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
