mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
