i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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