Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
