I want to make a zoo with you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
