On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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