Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
