So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize