You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
