Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
