first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Less talking, more tequila
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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