Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
