Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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