You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me I should be a condom model.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
