yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
