she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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