well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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