that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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