Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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