Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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