And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
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we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think my moral compass just broke
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