I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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