Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
