help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
