That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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