Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
