Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
nutella sex= disaster
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
