i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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