I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
