Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
