Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
