dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
