i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
