If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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