You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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