You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
