I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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