One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
