I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
