The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
