I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
