I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
