and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
