Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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