You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
