I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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