If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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