Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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