He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
