Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
