We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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