She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
