Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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