I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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