There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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