that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
