I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize