i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
