He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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