The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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