I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
