Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
