okay pat passed out under dana's car
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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