How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
there is puke in my bra ... again
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