It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
