FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize