Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
