hell yes lets make some ravioli
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
