Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
