piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nicole vs. Life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
