I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish you could order shots online.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
