I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
