I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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