I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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