I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
