They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
accomplished twins. life is a go
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
