she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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