Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
