He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
